A grief of becoming the duck man

The family also lets me go back to blindly date, this time, a more plump girl, three years older than I, seem very honest, then I say: It is her.  
      Getting along with the target soon, I go to work as a temporary labourer. I did not go with fellow-villager to look for some jobs of building worker, then work too hard, and earn money too little, I find fine job. Looking at those immuaculately dressed men, I am very uneven, they do not come from more than I, OK, why should I receive such poverty hard? If I was born in the city, could become a headliner like Xie Tingfeng; At least, can national flag red to defend class select, reach, crowd, get off the others' entering by the back door finally in last time either, lose the only chance to jump out the agricultural door.

      The wire pole of the city and in some telephone booths, the advertisement of recruiting the PR man is stuck, have entered the salary of ten thousand and let me palpitate with excitement in the moon. I have sounded out and phoned, they have received me warmly. The so-called PR man, it is done that I know the toy-boy, but I can not resist " enter ten thousand in the moon " Enticement; In addition, have I bottom of heart a concealed one that cruel and " longing for old " Aspiration   

      This is a night club, ministers of public relations concentrate us six together to train for one week, it is on duty to begin. Train while being what is called, but video film to set free counterpart for us to read, teach how have one's labour rewarded guests we. The first rule that we remember is: How guests say how to do. We can't ask about guests' situation, the colleague is forbidden to ask about each other too, certainly, our ourselves face unwilling to connect with family is lost together. The money of resulting each service, submit to 1/4.

      The first guest, is a woman over 50 years old. After she chooses my photograph, the minister of public relations lets me come out, I follow her to come to a hotel. She required me to put flowing to add to the fun as her, unexpectedly took leather-thonged whip and handcuffs out later, lash ruthlessly, I am filling on the mouth in the things, can not speak, does not dare either to shout and speak, have hit she for more than half an hour and given up directly. Ache very much! Get a large sum of money in video and imagination watched when I can only want to be trained to disperse attention. I think I just looks like a dog, a wallow in degeneration low dog. Who asks me to born in the poor village? I hate parents and love them too, work from dawn to dusk all one's life, has enjoyed the good fortune for less than a few days.

      After going back, I have a bath desperately, brush teeth furiously, want to forget that nauseating memory. This job, I have had a rest over half of a month the health resume. Certainly, I have got the recompense of 6000 yuan too. 6000, if do to a casual labour, can not even earn so many in one year, how many years must parents stew doing hardworkingly bitterly? Get so much money for the first time in all one's life, do not " do " Thought wither away gradually,unless determine I, in any case, let's persevere. When earning enough money, I will not try every possible means to do.

      Guest of me from all over the country, to have Taiwan, Hong Kong, there are foreigners, it is certainly mostly the hinterland, all these were told me by guests. I have already been used to being maltreated, have done the service of all kinds for them. Slowly, it is as a little habit-forming as oneself. If just hit, I am even unable to stand up excitedly, it is more and more serious that I know I receives cruel inclination. If guests are the plump older women, I can not even resist and lure and want to serve them voluntarily.

      Work of me, must make guest to be satisfied, until the fact that guest could over while being satisfied. But sometimes, the physiological response is not controlled by me, I think of those sexy pictures desperately, or eat required by guest simply "  Viagra " . Once, a tall and big foreign woman guest chooses me, but no matter how diligent I am, it is unable to satisfy her. Her requirement is very strong, force me to take " Viagra " ,Make of different some changes service for her, until end, I all pooped out, help her to be satisfied with *. The foreigner is most difficult to serve, secondly the guests of Hong Kong and Taiwan. But let my impression be deepest, a man guest. He is a man gay, let me play the part of women, make the woman's charm to please him, let me beg for mercy loudly while hitting me, beg for mercy is the louder, the more excited he is. Do this and make me sick with the man, but I do not dare to offend guests, can only think of other things desperately, or insist on counting, stand at one minute one minute.

      Get back to cabin that rent, develop oneself is itching to let pieces of place bungle once ruthlessly like I go mad, or is beaten furiously, but I do not have even a person speaking. To whom can I say? To whom do I dare to say? Parents phone, come over once in a while, I afford to return. I go on this road by myself, all, suffer from one's own action.

      Went home last the Spring Festival, marriage partner and I sat in her room one evening, embraced the other side kissing tightly having a chat, some of me take off her clothes excitedly, however, after it is burdensome to remove as us, I find I must suffer from abuse like while serving guest to be getting excited. This thought frightens me terribly, how could I show such meaning? The target is an honest girl, she can't accept certainly, and maybe will also suspect, how will I explain then? This, all the time as a big huge rock is being pressed in my heart very heavily, this is one of the reasons why I fear marriage.

      Another reason, I am afraid I am sick. Though the sheath is worn each time, because guests are afraid we are dirty, very risky after all. The wound getting a trashing at ordinary times, we can only be helped each other by the colleague, do not dare to go to the large hospital either after getting venereal disease, can only go to the small clinic or buy medicines to take by oneself. I have seen a colleague's terrific appearance after catching an illness, he gets the second stage of syphilis, a interest of cover cover while living in in the hospital. We go to see him, wonder what to say. His today, perhaps it is our tomorrow. I have read junior middle school, have a little culture more or less, buy the book to read desperately, is contrasting oneself, fear to find out the clues of said symptom on the book, is often woken by the nightmare, think the dying person is me if that lies on the sick bed. I dream one's own body sends out stench, cockroach and bedbug crawl in the body of the rotten flowing water, but I am unable to move, helplessly see them nibbling the last muscle of mine. And target and parents of me, sit aside grieved to cry.

      After waking up, I decide to buy insurance for parents, but can't let them know yet now, because they will certainly knowing to ache I spend the money, can blame I, but I can explain. I have deposited several ten thousand yuan, but did not dare to return the family, can only send a little each time. I have made money, but does not dare to let parents live in ease and comfort, nobody can understand my grief.

      It is long to make this line, just know the boss all have underworld to protect, unless you have disease die, otherwise done. My ID card has been copied by them too, if they come, how do my family look up and conduct oneself later? These can kill more than I and is imprisoned even more, I will be cast aside by family and villager forever!

      A little more than a month ago, I received a task, followed a woman guest more than 40 years old and went home, have never expected there are two women at her home. She says to me: " this is two friends of mine, you will serve us carefully today! " I am a little startled, but must shine and do. They torment me by turns, hit so that I am badly bruised from flogging directly, can't move. After having a rest over half of a month, close to the Spring Festival, I get back to the native place.

      Come back this time, I have rebuilted the new house, parents say that want to prepare for the thing that I got married. I already 24 year old, 27 target, she such a age, in child at countryside embrace early, I have no reason to tow. But, who can tell me, what shall we do